I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
