If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
