How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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