she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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