White coat. Heels.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
