WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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