We're facebook friends in real life
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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