I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
