Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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