It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
