I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
