i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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