i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
