I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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