Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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