Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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