VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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