He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
