i would punch a child for taco bell
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
