Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
