I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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