God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
