your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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