how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
