I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
