Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
