tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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