I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
