Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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