Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
