Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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