He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
