he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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