That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
