youre lurking in front of me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
