I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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