I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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