I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
