ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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