It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
