Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
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EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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