Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
