Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's the barista slut.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
