They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
