Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
