she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
