Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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