And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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