hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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