dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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