I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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