I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
