I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
