Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
