I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
