we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I understand Curling. That high.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
