just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
