i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
