Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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