how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
