K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He shit in the fireplace
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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