textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
