I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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